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Why I’m Choosing Purity

October 19, 2011

I haven’t been perfect in my lifetime.  In fact, there have been times when I have been far from it.  But now that I have a daughter, I am so determined, more than anything, to try my best not to make mistakes…to be as perfect as I can possibly be for her.  It’s so important that I show her the way the world works, and the right things to do.  If I was going to be engaging in acts that were wrong on a regular basis, it would be very hypocritical of me to tell her that she needed to do certain things and act a certain way, and I refuse to be hypocrital.  That’s one of the things that is most important to me as a parent — that I provide a good example for my daughter to follow.  I know that I have made mistakes, and that those mistakes have brought me to this point in life.  And I know one day, it is going to be extremely difficult to explain to her why she was born out of wedlock and why she needs to abstain from such activity when her mother obviously did not.  That’s going to be tough.  But life is full of tough conversations like that, and it will be essential that I talk to her about it the right way.  That’s a conversation I’ll be preparing for from the time she was born until it is time to have that actual conversation.

But I know if I wait and if I maintain purity from the time she is born on, that will be much easier to explain than if I were to go engaging in immoral behavior despite the consequences.  One of the most important things I want to teach her is that actions do have consequences, and that you do have to weigh those consequences when you are deciding what action to take.  So no matter what temptations come my way, I am determined to do the right thing…for her if for no other reason.  It’s not at all that I haven’t been attracted to anyone since she has been born…in fact, I have very much so been.  And it would have been so easy to give in to that attraction and to that passion, but no matter how much I want something, and no matter how much passion I have for somebody or how attracted I am to them, nothing even comes close to the love I feel for my daughter, and it is that love that is enough to keep me from doing anything that I know could hurt her. 

I have not had sex since she was born, and I am determined to keep it that way until I am married.  I know that this may in fact keep me from getting married, because there are plenty of guys who won’t even give a girl a chance if she has made this type of commitment.  But I am determined to do this, nevertheless, because I love my daughter so much, and it is so important to me that I be a good role model for her and a good example.  Being a good mother is so much more important to me than being a good lover or being a good girlfriend or whatever.  And if I end up spending the rest of my life alone (other than having my daugther), in terms of not having someone of the opposite sex, it will be so worth it to me, because being a good mother is just so much more important to me than that.  I would happily sacrifice any chance at having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex if it means I will have an awesome relationship with my daughter and be able to be a good mother to her.  She is the most important thing in my life.

Right after she was first born, this was very easy for me, because quite frankly, I did not have any desire to do anything, whatsoever.  Childbirth was very painful for me, and it was a long time that I could not even think of doing anything like that, because the memory of the pain was just always there.  But in spite of this, and in spite of my desire to stay pure, I am a human being, and I do have the normal drives that other human beings have.  And I happen to be a very, very passionate person.  When I am in a relationship, I love being passionate with the person I am with.  So it is a very difficult thing for me.  But it’s something that is so worth it in the end.

One of the toughest things about being a single mom and dating as a single mom, especially when you have made the choice to be pure as I have, is that most of the men expect you to be the kind of woman who does that kind of thing.  It’s their view that you have already done it before, so why shouldn’t you keep doing it?  They also feel like you are slighting them if you don’t have sex with them because you have had it before, so it is like an insult to them.  But it’s really not.  And just because you’ve done that before doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.  But most men just don’t understand that concept.

So that is my choice.  It’s what I’ve decided to do.

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